this isn't what rihanna was talking about

It rained in New York City today. Perfect weather for writing, baking, sleeping, dreaming... and, apparently, you-know-what.

I went for a walk around 6 pm. I carried a very large umbrella that prevented me from seeing anything to my left or right.

Imagine my surprise when a man's face popped up under my umbrella!

He was crouched down so that he could peer up at me from underneath the umbrella. He was smiling so big that I wondered for a moment whether I knew him from somewhere. I did not. I ignored him and thought:

Why are you under my umbrella? Fool. 

I kept walking and he caught up with me. Tapped me on the shoulder. I turned to see if I had dropped something and he was trying to return it (wishful thinking). I had not dropped anything, and he was not trying to return anything. He handed me his business card. "No thank you," I said and kept it moving.

Maybe he wasn't trying to holler. Maybe he was just a particularly eager entrepreneur who thought it would be all right to invade my personal space, follow me, and try to catch my attention again after I ignored him once. I'm not sure what he said to me, if anything. Thank you, headphones.

Second incident today was nothing out of the ordinary. Standard Walk-By Appraisal. You know --- one of the catcalls when a man walking by decides he's going to tell you who you are, what you are like, and what you are worth --- and then continue on his merry way having taken the time to provide you with a much-needed evaluation/appraisal of who you are! I was waiting for the bus, when I heard, "Ooh. So sweet. Mmmm," in that low, terrifying pervy voice that so many catcallers love to use.

I wonder how he would respond to the same sort of appraisal.

That's all for today, folks. If it's raining where you are, stay dry and watch out for catcallers trying to stand under your umbrella! Wield that shit like a shield.